So I'm here...

I have been in New Orleans for approximately 20 hours, and I am currently navigating my way through its pothole filled streets to a hiring fair. Teach For America has assured us all jobs, however we still have to interview to get them. No big deal. I love interviews.
What I do not love, is driving lost through a new city. What I also do not love is having a bright red car that attracts more attention as I drive through areas that literally have doors barely hanging on the hinges. New Orleans homes, and seemingly the city in general, has an essence that screams of contradiction. The homes, for example are absolutely regal. They have pillars in the front and grandiose balconies. Those same houses however are covered in dirt, and some are boarded off completely. They seem to scream, “I am here, and I down right now, but I am not gone.” Just like the city seems to scream as well. Here, down at the moment, but not gone. No going anywhere for that matter either.
After being prepped for an hour by TFA on how to interview, I walk boldly into a cafeteria filled with principals who really should decide to hire me. TFA talked to us about how to really own an interview and how to convince potential employers that they should hire us. I have no issue with this. Perhaps I am over confident, but I really do believe I am an asset to schools, and take no issue in telling them why. I also have no issue in asking them when they want to have a second interview.
During my first interview of the day, two mentor teacher from a local elementary school glanced at me, then my resume, then me again and bluntly asked, “You’re interviewing for a sixth grade position. What are your strengths?” After I spoke to them about my strength in classroom management and student engagement, they looked me up and down. One woman, still staring at my resume looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Baby, I see you majored in Christian Theology. You ain’t gonna find much Christianity goin’ on in your classroom.” I stared her in the eyes back and calmly said, “That’s fine, ma’am. I’m a Christian, but I’m tough,” to which both women burst into laughter and said in unison, “You’re gonna have to be. These are sixth graders, and they will make you cry.” What is it with veteran teachers? You would think that they were never young teachers themselves.
We finished out the interview with them giving me an explanation of their reading program that is used at the school. They use a scripted curriculum, which I have mixed feelings about. The interview ends rather abruptly, and they tell me, “If you don’t get an email from the principal, you didn’t get it. Good luck.” Oh. Okay.
48 hours into being a New Orleans resident I receive an email. All it says is “Good morning. Please call me,” and it leaves a number for the principal at Joseph A. Craig Elementary, the school interviewed for. All I can think is, “There is no way I got that job. Those teachers hated me. There is no way.” Wrong. I am officially hired to teach fourth grade. At present, I have no idea what that means. I’m not sure if I am teaching a traditional fourth grade all-subject classroom, or if I am teaching reading and writing only. Either way, I am officially hired. I get to be a teacher. What’s more is that I am teaching babies! They are practically my Zion kids. This I can wrap my brain around. I can visualize my classroom. Just like any new teacher, I’m terrified and excited. But right this second, I’m mostly excited. Now, to find a home…

Well, three weeks down, two to go.
A rough break down of the week. Last Saturday I was mandated a day off my by instructional leader. He looked at the times that he was getting my lesson plans emailed to him (usually around 2 in the morning or so) and told me that I need a day to do no TFA things. So, as ordered, last Saturday I did not a single Teach For America duty. Not a single lesson plan. It was very pleasant. Granted it made for a week of all nighters, but Saturday itself was great.
Sunday to Monday I got two hours of sleep. Monday to Tuesday, another two hours. Tuesday to Wednesday I received four hours of sleep, which I actually felt was a success. On Wednesday I slept another four hours. It doesn’t feel like the days are separated by sleep, but rather by teeny tiny naps. The thought that keeps reoccurring in my mind is, “This lifestyle is not sustainable.”
To that end, in this past week I have been thinking a lot about how to teach in a way that you can actually do it forever. I am aware that the actual routine of teaching is not the crazy stay up until two in the morning schedule that my life currently reflects. However, I am also aware that it is an incredibly stressful job that requires much more than the typical nine to five job. Nine to five would be a cake walk. Teachers pull twelve hour shifts all the time.
Furthermore, the state of educational institutions is currently a tense one. I interviewed with a principal who was just hired in the most failing school in the most failing district in New Orleans. Apparently she was informed that she has one year to turn the school around or she is going to lose her job. How does any human work under that pressure? It isn’t like we are making machines that have sure fire outcomes. Education involves people’s lives and sometimes it just doesn’t happen in a year. Sometimes it takes two or three, or maybe more. I’m still naïve enough to genuinely believe that an educational turnaround can happen for everyone. But in one years time?
So how do you do it? How does someone who loves teaching remain a teacher without losing their minds from either anxiety or sleep deprivation? I am concerned that it isn’t possible. However, there are a few things I am going to start trying:

1. Sleeping. As much I would really like it to be, coffee simply cannot take the place of sleep. And I feel so much nicer when I sleep. Not to mention, I am a much better teacher when I am well rested, and much less likely to make small children cry. Just kidding.
2. For one hour a day, I am not going to think about school. I am going to lay out by the gigantic ASU pool and then go work out in the gym. I will eat dinner slowly and digest. Then I will get back to writing lesson plans. But that hour will be sacred. I can’t wait for the weekend for a Sabbath.
3. On the weekend, I will set aside one day to have no teacher things. This actually feels greedy and reckless. However, if I enjoy my mental health, it is necessary. And, coincidentally, biblical.
4. I am not going to beat myself up over lessons gone wrong. Or I will try not to. I am not going to feel guilty for not being perfect. I will try harder if something doesn’t work the first time, but I am not going to feel bad about not being an award winning teacher every single day.

I still might lose my mind. I am continuously infiltrated with horror stories about the schools I could be teaching in. Things like holes in the walls, no books, no air conditioning, and no running water are just starters. It’s time to put my big girl pants on and deal with whatever happens, and I’m certain I can do it. I just need to make sure I don’t lose my mind.

The day has consisted of:
Waking up at 5am-ish to be ready for school by 6:15-ish.
Elementary school, teaching, DRA test giving, lectures and lesson planning until 5.
Dinner.
Lesson planning from 6:30-right now....which is 2:30 am.
I guess going to bed at 2:30 doesn't quite count as an all nighter...

Scorpions and no sleep

Apparently Phoenix has scorpions. I’m not sure why this fact freaks me out as much as it does. Somewhere in my city girl mindset, I considered things like scorpions a novelty that exists purely in sci-fi movies or Hollywood. Wrong-o. They exist in Phoenix. Also it is blazing hot here, and I am using sweat glands that I have never used before. I am however turning a nice shade of brown instead of pale white, so that is wonderful.
ALSO wonderful thing about Phoenix is the FREE bus system. Well okay, they actually have like three bus systems, and I am sure they aren’t all free. But the nice convenient one that takes me to target when I need things like hangers and extra deodorant (see sweat gland usages mentioned above) is free so I am a happy girl. I also walked into a coffee shop today that served delightful iced coffee and people were listening to music and working on their laptops. I felt like I was in Seattle again for a second. Until I walked back out into the 100 degree weather.
I am excited to get a few spare hours here and there to explore the city for the short time I am here. We are so busy doing teacher training stuff here that it is quite literally blowing my mind. We teach tomorrow for the first time, and I am going to be in a third grade class, which makes me unspeakably happy. It is crazy, with every lesson plan I am doing I picture my Zion kids. Troublesome, since this is a distinctly different culture. It’s comfortable though. I am team teaching with four other people who literally just learned how to teach this past week, so I am lgoing to be the only one who feels comfortable. Campus is buzzing with nerves and anxious feelings.
There is about a million things I could write, because there are about a million things going on in my head. In the past week I have
1. Graduated from college
2. Moved out of the princess house
3. Moved away from the homeland
4. Moved away from the family
5. Moved away from the best friends
6. Moved into a dorm room (eww)
7. Learned how to be a teacher (again)
8. Met about three hundred new people (Hi, I’m Leah. I’m from Seattle. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat)
9. Set up a classroom
10. Wrote about twelve lesson plans
11. Did DRA testing for a bunch of third graders
12. Not slept at all.
13. Not ran at all
14. Ate really gross food.
Yep. One week down, four to go until New Orleans!
Love Y’all!
(Yeah, I just Y’all-ed!)

Phoenix

I am here. I am exhausted. I am alive. I am going to bed and will write more later.

Love and miss you all,

Ms. Holliday

6 days away...

“You have to be slightly crazy to be a teacher. To be a good teacher, you have to be absolutely insane.”
-my uncle Les, educator for 42 years

“The world already has a savior, and you are not it. Jesus died on the cross for all humanity, not you. So every once in a while, give yourself a bit of a break.”
-Dr. Hartnett

“Teaching is a ministry. It isn’t a job you can stick to if you don’t think of it that way. It’s your job to educate these children, not just academically, but spiritually.”
-Brother Damian (Mentor teacher)

“Do you ever feel like sometimes, it’s only the other teachers that really get it? You go home to your loved ones, and they listen, but they don’t really understand?”
-Speaker in school training

“When they are here at school, we are substitute mommas and poppas for our students. You gotta teach them, but you gotta love them too.”
-Sister Jewel

Yes, you have to be a touch insane to be a teacher. You have to not require much sleep and you must enjoy caffeinated beverages, seeing as you will be dependent upon them. You have to be willing to trade in comfort and relaxation for things like waking up in the middle of the night in a panic over test scores and student learning plans. To be a teacher, you must be willing to be all things to all people. To your principal, you are a professional with a degree. You are an expert on learning, and you show your art through your students. To parents you are a guide to their precious babies. You are one who holds the key to success.
To students, you are even more. To your students you are an endless source of knowledge. You are a doctor when they are hurt, a judge and jury in the face of recess injustice, a counselor in times of trouble and a mother or father in times of insecurity. To your students you are a scientist, a writer, a mathematician, reader extraordinaire and traveled geographer. When they struggle, you are their cheerleader, when they need to be challenged you are their catalyst for success. As a teacher you must nurture but push, challenge but encourage, expect much of your students and give even more of yourself. There is no profession that wears more hats then that of a teacher.
Today, I said goodbye to my class of precious third graders. While I could not be more excited to move to New Orleans and teach, I am deeply sad about leaving this class. It is hard to imagine a group of children who hold within them more life, energy and potential for success. I have seen them learn and grow, not just as scholars but as new humans who are learning what it means to follow the simple but difficult rules of life: Work hard, love one another, love God. I have witnessed these nine year olds grapple with life circumstances that many adults could not handle. I have been inspired by their resilience and capacity for hope. I have felt with them their sadness, and hold that sadness in my heart still. I have felt proud of them, annoyed with them and grateful for them. I have poured myself into them, and now they will be somebody else’s. But they will always be a little bit mine. I can’t help but wonder if every year will feel like this.
As I walk away from my first teaching experience, I also wonder if I will ever feel like I did enough. Will I ever leave a classroom at the end of a year (or the end of a day) and think, “Yes, that was a ten. I accomplished everything I could.” Will I ever give myself an A?
Yes, I do believe, as my uncle informed me, that you have to be crazy to be a teacher, and to be a good one you have to be insane. I suppose I will feel successful when men in white suits come after me J.

June 1

I am currently more stressed out then I can ever remember being. For those who read this (if there is anyone who in fact, does read this) and know me, you probably laughed at that first sentence, since I have said it before. However, this time I mean it.
In exactly two weeks from today, I will be on a plane flying my butt to Phoenix, where I will spend five weeks learning to teach. Never mind the fact that I just spent the last two years learning to teach. I digress. Anyway, before that can happen I must accomplish the following:
1. Graduate college and pass my finals.
2. Finish student teaching.
3. Pack and clean my house.
4. Clean my car.
5. Pack my car.
6. Finish jumping through and innumerable amount of hoops to be a certified teacher.
7. Take and pass the middle school English praxis.
8. Say goodbye to my parents, family, friends, city that I love and college.
I am ending one phase of life and starting a new one, all within twelve hours of one another. Awesome.

The first blog.

Ah, this is a sacred moment in any young girls life. Her very first blog. I feel so utterly grown up, as well as slightly silly. However, as I am moving across the country (well, more like halfway across the country) I feel as though this is the best way to keep people posted on my life and general whereabouts.

So, just to be clear, my post college adventure is to begin June 15th (the day after commencement....ugh) where I will officially be apart of the Teach for America program. I will be moving to New Orleans to teach middle school English. I intend to share my comical, frustrating and touching student stories in this venue here.

Until the next one, much love.