Well, three weeks down, two to go.
A rough break down of the week. Last Saturday I was mandated a day off my by instructional leader. He looked at the times that he was getting my lesson plans emailed to him (usually around 2 in the morning or so) and told me that I need a day to do no TFA things. So, as ordered, last Saturday I did not a single Teach For America duty. Not a single lesson plan. It was very pleasant. Granted it made for a week of all nighters, but Saturday itself was great.
Sunday to Monday I got two hours of sleep. Monday to Tuesday, another two hours. Tuesday to Wednesday I received four hours of sleep, which I actually felt was a success. On Wednesday I slept another four hours. It doesn’t feel like the days are separated by sleep, but rather by teeny tiny naps. The thought that keeps reoccurring in my mind is, “This lifestyle is not sustainable.”
To that end, in this past week I have been thinking a lot about how to teach in a way that you can actually do it forever. I am aware that the actual routine of teaching is not the crazy stay up until two in the morning schedule that my life currently reflects. However, I am also aware that it is an incredibly stressful job that requires much more than the typical nine to five job. Nine to five would be a cake walk. Teachers pull twelve hour shifts all the time.
Furthermore, the state of educational institutions is currently a tense one. I interviewed with a principal who was just hired in the most failing school in the most failing district in New Orleans. Apparently she was informed that she has one year to turn the school around or she is going to lose her job. How does any human work under that pressure? It isn’t like we are making machines that have sure fire outcomes. Education involves people’s lives and sometimes it just doesn’t happen in a year. Sometimes it takes two or three, or maybe more. I’m still naïve enough to genuinely believe that an educational turnaround can happen for everyone. But in one years time?
So how do you do it? How does someone who loves teaching remain a teacher without losing their minds from either anxiety or sleep deprivation? I am concerned that it isn’t possible. However, there are a few things I am going to start trying:

1. Sleeping. As much I would really like it to be, coffee simply cannot take the place of sleep. And I feel so much nicer when I sleep. Not to mention, I am a much better teacher when I am well rested, and much less likely to make small children cry. Just kidding.
2. For one hour a day, I am not going to think about school. I am going to lay out by the gigantic ASU pool and then go work out in the gym. I will eat dinner slowly and digest. Then I will get back to writing lesson plans. But that hour will be sacred. I can’t wait for the weekend for a Sabbath.
3. On the weekend, I will set aside one day to have no teacher things. This actually feels greedy and reckless. However, if I enjoy my mental health, it is necessary. And, coincidentally, biblical.
4. I am not going to beat myself up over lessons gone wrong. Or I will try not to. I am not going to feel guilty for not being perfect. I will try harder if something doesn’t work the first time, but I am not going to feel bad about not being an award winning teacher every single day.

I still might lose my mind. I am continuously infiltrated with horror stories about the schools I could be teaching in. Things like holes in the walls, no books, no air conditioning, and no running water are just starters. It’s time to put my big girl pants on and deal with whatever happens, and I’m certain I can do it. I just need to make sure I don’t lose my mind.